Making stuff

Forward: I'm really annoyed with the way this post is laying out the images, but don't seem to be able to fix it. Will continue to mess with it.
I really enjoy making things, but I don't like having things. And unfortunately, I forget to take pictures of them. I didn't take pictures of the big paper crane I made for my mom several years ago, or the origami bouquets I make, or the paper birdcage, or the sequined stuffed lizard... it's a shame, because now I find that I'd like to share those things and talk about them.

These are pictures of some things I made a couple months ago. The nautilus was an experiment with embossing; I'm interested in embossing, and I think it has a lot of potential, but the actual thing I was trying to make was a disaster. So I stepped back and made the nautilus in order to get more practice with the technique before I tried something more ambitious.








The lotus bowl is a plaster form with paper petals glued to it. It's fascinating how repetition makes something attractive- the identical shapes in that spiral pattern is so visually appealing. I never finished it, since I wasn't sure where I wanted it to go. It's still sitting on my desk, and now it's all squashed from my cat sitting in it.















The lockbox was an experiment inspired by a scene in Mirrormask. I find that image so interesting and compelling.

The lockbox started with a shoebox and a trip to Hippo Hardware (holla! I love them!). One of the pieces had an integrated doorbell, which I loved, but it took some tweaking to use it the way I wanted it to and retain the button-pushing functionality (it involved the spring from a ballpoint pen, cutting up a tube that held exacto blades, and some weird foam tape I have). I could have just painted the box beneath the escutcheons black, but I wanted people viewing it to have a sense of interior space, which meant opening it up. But I also didn't want people to be able to actually see through it, or see what's inside it (yes, there's something inside). So I traced all the keyhole shapes onto the box, and cut out each hole, and then built a small black paper box for each hole and glued it to the inside. Also inside I used wood to give it more structural integrity than the shoebox had, and used wires to attach the knob/handle on the top to the knobs/feet on the bottom, so that lifting it up or turning it doesn't allow the weight of the knobs/feet to distort the shape. And I didn't want to just glue the escutcheons to the surface, so they are all nailed/screwed in place, reinforced with glue. And finally the hinges are placed to give a sense that the box could be opened, but not to indicate exactly how.
I'd like to play with these techniques more- I really enjoy what my brain does while solving these kinds of problems, and it's so fun to watch it come together.

Serendipity

I had been thinking about this poem a lot lately, but only knew parts of it by heart. Then, as often happens, I was in Powells with $5 to spend, and spotted an anthology that includes it.

Adrienne Rich - Song

You're wondering if I'm lonely:
OK then, yes, I'm lonely
as a plane rides lonely and level
on its radio beam, aiming
across the Rockies
for the blue-strung aisles
of an airfield on the ocean

You want to ask, am I lonely?
Well, of course, lonely
as a woman driving across country
day after day, leaving behind
mile after mile
little towns she might have stopped
and lived and died in, lonely

If I'm lonely
it must be the loneliness
of waking first, of breathing
dawn's first cold breath in the city
of being the one awake
in a house wrapped in sleep

If I'm lonely
it's with the rowboat ice-fast on the shore
in the last red light of the year
that knows what it is, that knows it's neither
ice nor mud nor winter light
but wood, with a gift for burning


other business: ASIFA will host another Drinking and Drawing in January at The Canvas Art Bar (really cool spot- Portlanders should check it out), we're getting ready for the next BeTween PDX in... April? May? Christine and I are starting to cogitate about some sort of Art+Tech event, to see if we can't get some people making connections.
This week, Webvisions is having an event on New Media. This month, SIGGRAPH computer animation festival is screening at PCC Cascade Campus, and ASIFA is having a screening of Fantastic Mr. Fox with animation director Mark Gustafson at The Canvas. And in early December, 3DPDX and AEPDX are having an event to show how awesome Cinema 4D is. Summer's over, so everyone is regrouping. Wheeee!

Growing Houseplants

Off topic for this blog, I know, but I know a bunch of people who claim to not be able to grow plants. Growing plants is easy, so I thought if I wrote a post about it I could point people here if they wanted to know.

The scenario everyone dreads is that you get a plant (at the store, or through a gift) and it's all lush and green and growing, and you bring it home and start tending to it and it just withers and turns yellow and then brown and then dies. When that happens (and it happens to everyone) there are a few simple things to look at and check for.

Firstly, the pot. All pots should have drainage holes in the bottom where water can flow out, and a tray or something to catch the excess water. A beginner shouldn't try to plant anything in a container without holes. So when you get a new plant, look at the bottom where the holes are. Ideally, you won't see any roots when you look into the soil. If you see some roots there in the dirt, you should consider repotting. If you see a dense mass of roots coming out of the holes in the bottom, the plant is in trouble and desperately needs repotting.
If you have houseplants that are doing well and growing, check the bottom for roots every six months or year or so- anticipate going up a pot size every year. One way or another, you'll have to repot a plant. Get a new pot that is larger than the previous one, and some new potting soil from the store (don't use dirt from outside somewhere). If you only have some visible roots, then you only need to go up a size or two (pots are measured in inches- small ones from the store might be in 2" or 3" pots). If you have a serious situation, then you may need a pot that is even bigger than that.
There are a bunch of videos online about how to repot, but basically you want to be gentle with the stem and taproot area, so turn the plant on it's side and gently work it out of the old pot. If a plant is really rootbound, this can be more difficult- don't be afraid to bang on the bottom of the pot to loosen the roots up- loosening up the roots is good for the plant. Put an inch or two of new dirt in the bottom of the new pot, and then place the plant in the new pot. You want to keep it buried to consistently the same depth, so that the stem isn't planted any deeper or shallower than it was before, so adjust the amount of dirt in the bottom of the new pot accordingly. "Plant it high, it won't die. Plant it low, it won't grow". Then fill in new dirt around the edges, compacting it gently with your hand, and then thoroughly water the whole thing. Voila!

Secondly, water. Water is easy- most people kill plants by overwatering them. The rule of thumb is to water once a week, until water comes out of the drainage holes in the bottom of the pot. If it's really hot, then maybe do a second watering in a week. So in summer, water more, in winter, water less.

Finally, light. Light is harder because you can't control whether your living room faces north or whatever- it's trickiest to troubleshoot and harder to control. Most plants like lots of indirect light, so by default, don't place a plant right in a window in the hot sun, and likewise don't place them in a darkened room.

So those are the basics. There are a lot of houseplants you can keep alive using those basic strategies.

Here are some tips for troubleshooting:
There shouldn't be any bugs or bug webs or mold or mildew or anything gross on your plant. If you see anything moving on the foliage or in the soil, immediately isolate the plant from any other plants you have. Mold and mildew are often signs of overwatering, so don't water the plant for a few weeks. You can also go to a nursery and describe your symptoms and they can recommend pesticides or whatever for you.
Plant is weak and wilty. You're probably overwatering- lay off the water for a couple weeks and see if it perks up any.
Plant is dry and crispy. Not enough water, or too much sunlight. I would move it out of the light and give it a good drink of water.

The most frustrating thing, though, is what I'll call failure to thrive- you water more or less, move the plant around where there is more or less light, and it's still looking more and more sickly... sometimes there's just nothing you can do except give the plant to someone you know who does better with plants than you do.

Finally, here are some plants that are easy for beginners to grow, and species-specific tips for care:

Spider plants. Spider plants are easy to care for, they don't like much water (which means don't water as often, or don't water until water comes out of the drainage holes, thereby just giving less water), and they produce fresh indoor air. They are safe for pets to eat, highly tolerant of lighting conditions (although they don't like direct sun), and you put them in a good-size pot (say, 6" or 8") and then never repot them, so that they will "spider". When they become rootbound, they produce shoots that can be used to make new plants, or just left to look pretty until they turn brown and can be cut off. Here's a spider plant that has "spidered" a bunch of new shoots.

Snake plant. Snake plants produce a ton of fresh air and are super easy to care for. They don't like much water, and they don't like direct light, and that's it. In the winter, they only need to be watered every 6-8 weeks. If the leaves start looking weak and soggy, it's being overwatered, and if they look dry and wrinkly, then water more.

If you're buying a plant, don't buy a plant labeled "3in indoor foliage $1.99". Go ahead and buy plants with the labels stuck in the soil that tells you the species name, because it generally comes with tips for care, or at least empowers you to google it and find out how to care for it or diagnose any problems that may arise.

This is a lot of words to describe something I claim is easy, but it really is- with good light, a moderate amount of water, and a little bit of attention, you can have a more peaceful, healthy, harmonious home.

what's going on?

Small stuff, really- puttering around the apartment, spending time with friends. I'm not planning anything, not on a mission to accomplish anything, and don't have much to share that would be of interest to a normal person.

Going to a DMI conference in a couple weeks- learning about design management. And reading (still) the Cryptonomicon- having a hard time getting into it. And it's been a lovely summer, in which the days are long, but the months fly by.

It's surprising how often I go back and read this blog, considering how little I've been posting in it. But I revisited my fourth of July post from last year, because it bears repeating, and read the poems from time to time.

It's funny how I'm about to turn 38, and yet I still feel so full of possibility, so ripe with potential. One would think that as I age, that sense of the unfolding future would begin to collapse, that the open doors would start to close, and yet I don't feel that way at all. Perhaps I'm deceiving myself.

Things I've Learned

Here are some things I've learned along my journeys in the working world:

- a boss of mine, a restaurant owner, speaking of customers: "It's not enough for them to like you, they have to love you." What he meant is that it's only restaurants that people love that they go back to again and again, and bring their friends, and have birthdays and anniversaries... merely liking a place isn't good enough when you're competing for discretionary spending.

- the trick to remembering something (and I've always had a good memory, but as a waitress I took orders for two, then four, then six, then twelve people without writing anything down) is preparing a place in your mind for the information before you receive it. You have to take a split second to create the receptacle, so to speak, where you're going to store the information, and then place it there in your mind.

- I had another boss who redefined "boss" for me. I had always had bosses who told me how to do the work. She admitted she didn't know how to do my work, and she saw her role as being there to make sure I had what I needed, to remove obstacles, to provide support. She was a fantastic boss.

- in a phone room, I learned that if I'm looking at a word written out, and then it's pronounced aloud very differently than how it looks, I always struggle to pronounce it, even though someone JUST told me how. The trick to pronouncing it correctly (like a complicated name) is to stop reading it, and just listen to it. This is hard for me because I'm a reader, and my mind keeps wanting to put sounds to the syllables, but it gets in the way. Turn off the eyes and turn on the ears.

- a teacher in art school pointed out that all the feedback you receive is biased toward the tastes, education, and culture of the person who is giving it. There are people who (like me) like high-contrast compositions, so I'm always going to like that more, or give feedback to increase the contrast. But that's just what I like. There are clients who won't be happy with anything except the vision they've come to you with, no matter how good or creative your original designs are.

- another lesson from the restaurant industry: it's tempting to ascribe attributes to a person, or to interpret their behavior toward you, when those things are, in fact, highly fluid and generally have nothing to do with you. For example, I waited on hundreds of people who were just awful people when they sat down at my table. And it's tempting to think that they are like that, and to brace yourself for a difficult time working for them, or wonder what you did wrong. But an awful lot of the time, those people are just hungry, and low blood sugar messes with your personality. Give them some bread, and suddenly they are relaxed and pleasant. Likewise, there are some people who seem so nice and genial when they're full and have had a few glasses of wine, when they are, in fact, terrible people. Distance yourself from someone's behavior (which is different than their personality), since it's very often based on things that have nothing to do with you. This is helpful when they are swearing at you and calling you names.

It's funny, I think that in every industry I learned something that I carry with me into all my future work. But I can't think of anything more tonight that lends itself to these little nuggets. I'll probably have more eventually.

Post-Tween

This isn't really fair, since I'm getting together with the guys next week to have a semi-official post-mortem on the event, but I have so many thoughts that I want to organize/share them.

Firstly, the night before, I dreamed all night about all the ways it could go badly. And there was a guy on Twitter being a jerk about the whole thing, and because I was using the BeTween account I couldn't be as direct as I personally wanted to be. So every time I woke up I thought about that conversation and how negative he was...

But it really went beautifully. I think we had 40-some attendees total, which was the perfect number- enough for the conversations to be diverse and fruitful, but not so many that we couldn't handle them. And it went just long enough- longer than that and people would have gotten tired and grouchy, or we would have run out of content. Shorter than that, and it maybe wouldn't have been worth giving up Saturday for.

I decided to hold back Kohel and Kathy so they could participate in a session before leading one, and I think that was just the right call- it gave them a chance to get the tone of the event and set them up to lead their own sessions successfully. And people really wanted to talk with them and ask questions. Kohel ended up continuing his conversation with a smaller splinter group, which was just fine with me.

We had to really break up the conversations every hour in order to move on, and that, along with people complaining that the sessions should be longer, and that they should be recorded in case you missed something, assures me that they were fruitful and that people wanted to be doing what we were doing. I WANT people to think that maybe they missed something; I WANT them to have a tough time choosing which session to attend. That means we had high-quality content, and encourages people to want to do another one (if there is another one).

And I do think these are really fruitful conversations for animators to be having. The tech community does this kind of thing all the time, because their work is solitary and isolating. They form user groups and get-togethers and monthly stuff so that they can connect and share with each other, so that they can get insight and support, and the whole community benefits from it. I'm not sure why the animation community tends to think that the only people with insights to share are Experts who can Pass Down their Wisdom. It's often fruitful to ask your peers how they handle things, or if they know how to do something. And if we're going to build a more cohesive community here, we need to be talking to each other more. If we're going to start to develop an industry, a set of practices, a legislative agenda, it needs to come from communicating with each other on this level, not just talking about movies and artists.

However, as we did, I do think there's a real role for non-animators at events like this. We need attorneys and CPAs and insurance people, marketing and branding people, IT people and software people... we need to not only connect within our community, but outside of it, to build resources and knowledge that help us all work better. I think that any future BeTween should definitely include that aspect of it, although it's not a requirement of the format.

Finally, I'm personally so pleased that I feel like I gave our community this tool- that now there's a bunch of people who know how to do this and could lead one of their own. It's simple and inexpensive, and it's powerful. Maybe I won't have to lead the next one, or other people will decide to have their own on other topics. I'm beaming.

So yeah. I'm so pleased and yes, proud of myself, for making this thing happen and for having it go well. It's been a long process, pushing it forward, and I'm glad I never gave up on it (and thanks to those people who said to not give up on it). That's part of the learning experience for me; that if I don't feel supported in a good idea, to just keep with it until people get it and see where I'm coming from. I tend to think that if nobody buys in, it must not have been a good idea after all- I doubt myself. But I shouldn't be so eager to doubt myself. And I hope that these things I've worked on and brought to Portland animators; Drinking and Drawing, BeTween, and (to some extent) the local WIA chapter, have a life beyond me, and continue to serve everyone long after I've moved on to other things. Go me!

My hundredth post!

The ASIFA Showcase is Saturday, and it's going to be really good- I'm so impressed with the level of submissions, and the show is going to be very strong. And it's FREE, so please come- Saturday at 11am at Cinema 21.
I think we've done everything we can do for BeTween- now we just need to hope people show up and bring their participation hats. There will be coffee, and bagels, and maybe some swag, and we've left ourselves some room to be flexible depending on how many people show up. I so sincerely hope that people benefit from it- David and I were talking about how hard it can be to get people to come if they don't think there's anything "in it" for them. I wonder why the tech community doesn't seem to have that problem- they benefit personally when the group benefits collectively, so they don't need to be persuaded of the value of collaboration. I wish we had more of that spirit in the creative community. Baby steps, Rebekah- baby steps.

And, as always, let's close with a poem- I've been reading a lot of Jane Hirshfield lately.

THREE FOXES BY THE EDGE OF THE FIELD AT TWILIGHT

One ran,
her nose to the ground,
a rusty shadow
neither hunting nor playing.

One stood; sat; lay down; stood again.

One never moved,
except to turn her head a little as we walked.

Finally we drew too close,
and they vanished.
The woods took them back as if they had never been.

I wish I had thought to put my face to the grass.

We kept on walking,
speaking as strangers do when becoming friends.

There is more and more I tell no one,
strangers nor loves.
This slips into the heart
without hurry, as if it had never been.

And yet, among the trees, something has changed.

Something looks back from the trees,
and knows me for who I am.

Poem and stuff

I'm really excited about BeTween- I think it's going to go really well, and if it doesn't, we've learned what we'll need to do for the next one. Yes, David and Sam really want this to be an ongoing thing, which pleases me.

Now it's just a question for me of maintaining momentum, following up on the loose ends, connecting with the people on my list to connect to. I don't want to get lazy here in the home stretch.

And I've been listening to the Poem of the Day podcast, which reminded me of Jane Hirshfield. Here's one of my favorites from her:

Letting What Enters Enter

Even in January rains
the blossoms open --
absence and longing
are also the plum-fragrant spring.
As the woman with her sign and cart of rags is spring,
beside the highway, stepping slowly
through the undimmed flower of her life.
"What I now most want to happen
in my raving heart, make it happen --"
Sappho's cry to the goddess.
Who knows if that prayer was answered?
Each part holds the rest in the chill
spring rain and the silence; let one animal
eat from your hand and the whole herd comes.
but the woman was not beautiful
or whole in her heart's raving,
and she forgave me nothing that I love.

Online registration now working

Head on over to the website and pre-register for BeTween! It's going to be interesting, and I think a really good group will attend.

BeTween!

So, I've been meaning to blog about this for weeks, but I've been putting my efforts on the project into realizing it, rather than blogging about it. You may remember me making noise for months about an unconference for freelance animators, and finally, with the support of David Billings and Sam Niemann, it is actually going to happen.

Our website is coming together, and the event will be on May 1 at the Art Institute open space. I'm so so excited.

Even though it's an unconference, we'll have some "experts", who can speak to IP and copyright/fair use, taxes, health insurance, software... my hope is that people can get real information out of these sessions, rather than just trading stories and frustrations (although that's incredibly important too).

It's been such a pleasure working with David and Sam, and I've been thinking a bit about that. It was so discouraging all those months when I would talk about it and people would just give me a vague look and nod. And I was so convinced it was a good idea, but so few people seemed to share that conviction that I got discouraged (as I often do). So the process of just continuing to talk about it until I found the people who got it and shared my enthusiasm has been enlightening. I can think of other projects that would have benefited from that kind of persistence and faith, so I need to keep that in mind.

They also really want these to be ongoing events, which is an interesting idea.

So let's close with a quote from TH White in The Goshawk:

To write something which was of enduring beauty, this was the ambition of every writer: as it was the ambition of the joiner and architect and the constructor of any kind. It was not the beauty but the endurance, for endurance was beautiful. It was also all that we could do. It was a consolation, even a high and positive joy, to make something true: some table, which, sat on, when it was meant only to be eaten off, would not splinter or shatter. It was not for the constructor that the beauty was made, but for the thing itself. He would triumph to know that some contribution had been made: some sort of consoling contribution quite timeless and without relation to his own profit. Sometimes we knew, half tipsy or listening to music, that at the heart of some world there lay a chord to which vibrating gave reality. With its reality there was music and truth and the permanence of good workmanship. To give birth to this, with whatever male travail, was not only all that man could do: it was the human contribution to the universe. Absolutely bludgeoned by jazz and mechanical achievement, the artist yearned to discover permanence, some life of happy permanence which he by fixing could create to the satisfaction of after-people who also looked. This was it, as the poets realized, to be a mother of immortal song: to say Yes when it was, and No when it was: to make enduringly true that perhaps quite small occasional table off which subsequent generations could eat, without breaking it down: to help the timeless benevolence which should be that of this lonely and little race: to join the affection which had lasted between William the Conqueror and George VI. Wheelwrights, smiths, farmers, carpenters, and mothers of large families knew this.

Lucille Clifton

I was wanting to write about leadership, but Lucille Clifton has died. How can I say what this woman's poems mean to me? I am forever grateful for her, to her, and have shed for her today real tears.


poem on my fortieth birthday to my mother who died young

well i have almost come to the place where you fell
tripping over a wire at the forty-fourth lap
and i have decided to keep running,
head up, body attentive, fingers
aimed like darts at first prize, so
i might not even watch out for the thin thing
grabbing toward my ankles but
i'm trying for the long one mama,
running like hell and if i fall
i fall.

the making of poems

the reason why i do it
though i fail and fail
in the giving of true names
is i am adam and his mother
and these failures are my job.

new year

lucy
by sam
out of thelma
limps down a ramp
toward the rest of her life.
with too many candles
in her hair
she is a princess of
burning buildings
leaving the year that
tried to consume her.
her hands are bright
as they witch for water
and even her tears cry
fire fire
but she opens herself
to the risk of flame and
walks toward an ocean
of days.



there is a girl inside.
she is randy as a wolf.
she will not walk away
and leave these bones
to an old woman.

she is a green tree
in a forest of kindling.
she is a green girl
in a used poet.

she has waited
patient as a nun
for the second coming,
when she can break through gray hairs
into blossom

and her lovers will harvest
honey and thyme
and the woods will be wild
with the damn wonder of it.




i am running into a new year
and the old years blow back
like a wind
that i catch in my hair
like strong fingers like
all my old promises and
it will be hard to let go
of what i said to myself
about myself
when i was sixteen and
twentysix and thirtysix
even thirtysix but
i am running into a new year
and i beg what i love and
i leave to forgive me

Been thinking of this one lately

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.

So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.

But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced:
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!

The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!

A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me
That with music loud and long
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed
And drunk the milk of Paradise.

Inspired Involvement

As you can tell, I'm struggling a bit with maintaining this blog lately. It was begun in a burst of enthusiasm for social networking and Portland's open source community, and a deep desire in my heart to bridge disparate elements. I mean, that's the whole reason that I love animation- it's an amazing balancing act between creativity and technology, between inspiration and repetition. It's a place where I can satisfy both my desire to create original work, and then endlessly perfect it.

And yet, despite my excitement about the events that Asifa is putting together (Drinking and Drawing next week!) and my incipient freelance event*, I've also been going through a very introspective period lately. So instead of blogging about events and happenings in the community, I've been blogging about what I'm thinking and reading, or blogging not at all.

I'm fortunate that this blog has so few followers, and all of them know me, so it's not like I have to live up to any particular expectations, and yet I did have some expectations of myself when I began this, when I chose this title.

And I have gone on a slight derail the past couple of months, when I decided I was going to move and that anticipation put a number of things on hold for me (since I'm also not updating the sister blog to this one). And those steps I was taking for personal growth were very meaningful for me- I hope to resume them as soon as possible.

However, I very much don't want this blog to devolve into a journal. I do sincerely hope that the act of reading it is of some benefit to someone, and not just that the act of writing it benefits me.

And on that note:

* I want to put together an event, perhaps an unconference, that focuses on the realities and opportunities for freelance animators (and other creative people) in portland. I think that the film and video community have a lot of resources that animators don't necessarily know about, but that there are also challenges unique to the animation community. If anyone is interested in helping organize such an event, or has thoughts or suggestions to share, they would be welcome.

Thanks as always for your patience with me. :-)