Layoffs at Laika

I worked from home today, so I was more plugged in than I generally am, and I recently joined Facebook. So at 11:30 I saw a Twitter from a Laika employee that they had been laid off, and a little while later I saw another on Facebook, and then another, and then I got a text message... 65 people total, the news said later.

On the one hand, it is par for the course for the business. Most big studios go through rounds of layoffs periodically and then ramp up again, and people know that's how it goes. I do feel bad for those people who hoped to get in on the ground floor of a new studio, and help to shape it, share in it, who committed themselves to Laika and to Portland. And I'm sad that so many of them will leave, and our community will lose those wonderful creative experienced brains. And I'm annoyed that there are job postings on the Laika website right now.

As I've said in the past, while I didn't enjoy my job while I worked there, I really liked and respected the team they had put together. I was genuinely happy to see those people every day, and am proud to call them my friends. A lot of them have already dispersed around the globe, and now more of them will. I sincerely hope to see them again- that as my career progresses and moves forward, as I go to conferences or festivals, that I'll see those smiling faces and know that they are doing well and pursuing happiness.

Drinking and Drawing

Amazing animation

This one is pretty dark, with some wonderful camera work.

Watch Death Art Animation in Animation  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com


And also, snow today!

End to my calendar woes?

Today on Twitter, @turoczy turned me on to Calagator, an open-source, totally awesome Portland Tech event calendar. It doesn't have all the events I'd like to see on it, but that's okay because I can add them. They're pretty flexible on how "tech" the events need to be, and I love the "export to google calendar" feature- it's pretty much just what I've been looking for.

Hopefully someday I can persuade them to make a widget for blogs, but in the meantime, head on over to Calagator and check it out.

PDX Animation Festival news

So, a few things are coming together, and I think this thing is really going to happen. Kate and I are going to try to start a local chapter of Women in Animation, and I think they'd be happy to act as the fiscal agent for the whole enterprise (assuming we make a chapter and the chapter wants to sponsor the event).

Also, a friend was talking with someone from the mayor's office at The Auteur after party (which I missed), and apparently she's interested and wants to hear from me. Sweet!

I wish we had a name for it, so I could tag these posts. I haven't talked with Marten about it, but I had been leaning toward Resolution Festival. It turns out that a bunch of New Years events in other cities are named that. It's too bad, because I think it would be a great name.

bric-a-brac

I overshot myself this week, and needed some down time to recover. I know that I can't commit to doing too much with my time, but have a hard time cutting it down when there's so much fun stuff happening.

So I got home from The Auteur premiere on Friday (it was a really fun movie- I highly recommend it. Equal parts sweet and sincere and funny- Melik was amazing!), to find my cat limping really severely. It was the third night in the week that I was out late, and I'd been hoping he would get better on his own. No such luck.

So I skipped Cyborg camp Saturday morning, although I really wanted to go, because I was tired and seeing him like that really makes me ache. But there weren't any vet appointments available Saturday anyway- I'll have to take him in the morning.

I'm mulling over a question that I've been trying to answer, talking with Adron and Fernando about what, exactly, this blog is about. Either I choose a topic for it and stick with that, or it becomes more like a journal (like this post is). I don't want to keep an online journal, because I think it's ridiculous, but when I come up with a topic, it's always something like "Things My Friends Don't Normally Talk About". As in, I have friends and colleagues and people to talk with about, say, animation, or my personal life, or technology, so I don't really need to blog about them. If I were in a book group, I probably wouldn't blog about what I'm reading (just kidding- I would, because book groups read sooooo slowly). But I don't know anyone who is into the Long Now stuff, or poetry, or... whatever else it is I ramble about on here. So when my mind is turning this stuff over, I generally end up blogging about it. I suppose, then, that it's more personal, more intimate, than I had hoped.

I imagine, because it's my first blog, that I'm still trying to find my voice, to find out what I can regularly contribute to the overwhelming mass of competing voices out there. And I imagine that will change over time, but bear with me.

Quickies: I finished Anathem and was disappointed- I felt as though the plot payoff was too small for how much time you spent with the book. I felt as though the aliens showed up and behaved in completely incomprehensible ways, just to act as a proof-of-concept for something the author was trying to explain to the reader. They never questioned the Mathic structure, even when they needed to (didn't anyone ever say, "Hey, it's a good idea to have all these young dumb kids around because they know how to get stuff done? All us hundreders can't communicate with outsiders any more", or "Hey, isn't it great to have all this technology that lets us share information quickly? Normally we'd have to wait years in order to talk to each other!") Finally, it's petty but it always annoys me when a character spends one or two pages with another, and then for the rest of the book, that person is the love of their life and they pine for them. It doesn't add emotional tension, or depth to the character- it just makes them look like an adolescent.

Quickie two: Watched Secretary yesterday. I didn't like how tremendously unhealthy their relationship was. The movie shows how her self-harming is clearly tied to her relationship with her father, and the relationship with the boss only becomes eroticized when he becomes the instrument of pain. People can have healthy S&M relationships, but this movie takes two characters driven by tremendous self-loathing and then says they're "made for each other" and puts a romantic gloss over the whole thing.

Quickie three: Robert Frost. He's cool. Behold:

...

For, dear me, why abandon a belief
Merely because it ceases to be true.
Cling to it long enough, and not a doubt
It will turn true again, for so it goes.
Most of the change we think we see in life
Is due to truths being in and out of favor.
As I sit here, and oftentimes, I wish
I could be monarch of a desert land
I could devote and dedicate forever
To the truths we keep coming back and back to.
So desert it would have to be, so walled
By mountain ranges half in summer snow,
No one would covet it or think it worth
The pains of conquering to force change on.

Depopulation and childlessness

So, I'm listening to the Phillip Longman Long Now lecture on depopulation, and it has me buzzing a bit about childlessness.

For quick clarification, I don't believe he said anything that was remotely sexist. I do, however, have some feeling about the topic as being sexist. I hear and read all these (male) experts bemoaning that population isn't at replacement levels, and the subtext is the fact that all over the world, when women are given the opportunity to choose, they choose not to have children until later in life, which necessarily means that they have fewer children if they have any. I tend to feel an accusing finger pointed my way, as though I'm not doing my womanly duties, but maybe I'm just too sensitive.

Quick note: one of the major concerns in this conversation is the tremendous cost of caring for an elderly population. But it seems to me that isn't, in fact, long term thinking. It seems to me that forty or fifty years ago, a combination of industrialization (increase in food resources and wealth) and improvements in medical care created an unnatural population explosion that has traveled all over the globe. I think that we will be dealing with the consequences of that population explosion for the next forty or fifty years. I do, however, think that time will pass, and that world population will more or less settle out, and that fewer people on the planet means less competition for resources, as well as better educated children that can operate in a highly technical, mechanized workforce that has less need for raw labor. So this lecture seemed to me to be out-of-keeping with the spirit of the other Long Now talks in that sense- it was looking at a very narrow Now.

So let's come back to the touchier question, the one that seems to lie at the heart of this debate and pose a real problem for people. That issue is reproductive choice.

So why do women, given the choice, decide to delay childbearing, to have fewer children or none at all? The answers come pretty easily- having children is financially expensive, it takes a tremendous toll on a woman physically, it has negative consequences for her career... the short answer is that before a woman wants children, she generally seems to want to have established for herself a home, a career, and a stable relationship with a partner. Getting your life in order, in that sense, takes a long time- depending on how long she wants to spend on her education or starting her career, she may be in her late twenties to late thirties before she feels ready to enter that phase of her life.

Certainly that's a change from, say, an agricultural society, where one enters the work force in adolescence, and isn't looking ahead to build a career- she has, at 18, as much chance for financial stability as she ever will. She's also as sexy as she'll ever be- if she's going to get into a long-term stable relationship, she probably already knows all the likely partners in her community, and it's reasonable for her to make her choice and commit to it. Or to get knocked up and stick with it. But clearly many of us don't live in that world- women who want to be lawyers have as much reason to delay childbearing as women living in a war zone.

Phillip Longman suggests that society needs to offer financial incentives for people to have children, which makes sense. But I also don't think it speaks to the issue he perceives as a problem, because I don't believe that it's a problem at all. I think that children should be born deliberately, to people who really want them, at a time when the parents are prepared to undertake the physical, emotional, and financial responsibility. I think that often does mean that people will have children later in life, and have fewer of them overall.

The question for people thinking about the future, then, is what does that mean? How do we develop technology that can accommodate a shrinking workforce? How do we manage the almost prohibitive cost of a college education, if it acts as a barrier to financial stability for prospective parents, and a financial disincentive to having children? How do we make sure that people accumulate enough resources during their work lives to be able to afford a long post-retirement life and extensive health care? Can we develop a plan now that accommodates not just urban growth, but urban decay as populations contract? Just something to think about...

Calendar Widget

So, the google calendar widget I had on here doesn't work any more. I'm also not sure that anyone used it except me, to keep track of what was happening when.

I'm open to suggestions for a calendar widget if anyone can think of one. I'd like it to be super easy to update, and ideally collaborative- it would be cool if other people could post events to it, or if I found a site that had calendars of all the stuff I'm interested in.

On that note, there is an adult night at OMSI next week- cocktails and science. It sounds like fun. Also, Cyborg Camp on the 6th, and The Auteur premiers on the 5th. Next week looks busy... fun!

I can't remember phone numbers any more

Just miscellany:

Finding new fun podcasts to listen to. I like picking up and dropping them periodically- see the sidebar for what I'm on right now.

I just listened to the Wasteland Speech. Really good speech, but kind of depressing. He's calling broadcasters to a higher standard of behavior, to serve the public good rather than just making money. It's a shame that such calls, however inspiring, don't seem to really affect behavior.

One of the things I kept thinking as I was discussing the Constitution during the interview above was the following poem, which I just couldn't bring myself to include there, but have to cite now:

Let America Be America Again- Langston Hughes

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

Great Portland Interview Experiment

Started here, I participated with Adron Hall. I'll publish the results of my interview with Liz Grover when that's done. This has been really fun to do- great idea!

A: How goes the efforts for the animation festival?

R: Firstly, I'd like to have coffee with Steve Gehlen, because he has more experience putting such a thing together than I do, and I'll need some guidance. I really need a fiscal agent, and he's got one. Secondly, I'd like to put together a brainstorming meeting with people who are interested and see what we'd like the event to look like and what it should include. From there, Marten and I can create a tentative plan, and start working on logistics.


A: So Twitter, the speed at which news is relayed and information spread, how or do you ever feel a bit overwhelmed?

R: This is probably a bad week to ask me that question- I usually try to balance my life so that there is plenty of time for activity, but then also plenty of time for introspection/reflection. I've got a lot going on lately, and haven't had much time for mental processing, which can lead me to feel overwhelmed. I've also just crossed the line in Twitter where I follow so many people that I can't read all their tweets.

I am trying to have a relationship with information/communication where I consume it mindfully and with attention. Unlike, say, the TV, which once it's on just stays on for hours in the background, or a radio station. Video watched on-demand gets watched deliberately and with my attention. I do the same thing with social media- I only participate in a few sites, and try to do it well. And subscribe to podcasts, and then listen to them mindfully. So as I mentioned, I feel like I have all these things- books, movies, shows, podcasts, clamoring for my attention, and I don't have enough time to mindfully consume all this stuff. I feel like I should only follow enough people on Twitter as I can read and correspond with and give attention to- I don't like feeling like I'm "behind" all the time.

I think there is a tipping point- as I mentioned, I love how fast things happen on Twitter, and it is really fun for news and events. However, I'm bordering on either having to use it very differently than I have been, or trimming back the number of people I follow.


A: The value of Twitter, at least in my humble opinion, is the people that tweet & twit all day long. Have you ever thought about how the connections are made, and what draws people to follow each other on Twitter?

R: This dovetails nicely into the above question, because the issue really is the paradigm of using Twitter. I like following people who tweet real content- good blog posts or news articles, tweetups, events, knowledge. And I try to respond with thanks or commentary on that content, and not clog up the bandwidth with my own chatter.

I do think that Twitter is evolving into a whole unique thing- people tweet as themselves (rather than creating handles and the personalities that go with them). People who interact on Twitter also generally interact in real life- again, this isn't some persona that is being created, and that prevents some common online drama, where, say, "WizardKing_027" is the most powerful poster on a game forum, which has it's own private set of memes and social hierarchy, etc. If I can't make a good impression on real people, I can't make a good impression on Twitter. What's also weird is that people go around at events with their Twitter IDs on their nametags, and the two are sort of interchangeable. Anyway, Twitter for me bridges the online social experience and the real world social experience in a totally unique way, and I think everyone is still figuring out how that's going to develop over time. Very soon, the community will be overrun with spammers and scammers and people's usage habits will change accordingly, and they'll either migrate to a different thing (like Shizzow, maybe), or the technology will evolve to somehow exclude those users/that type of content. It’s still changing, we’re still changing it.


A: Steampunk Fan? What's characteristics do you like about these story themes? What do you like about the ideology?

R: The easy answer is that in Steampunk, technology is beautiful and valuable, unique, and invented by the person who uses it. Currently, technology has really streamlined visuals, is mass-produced in plastic and aluminum, and is developed by someone else- you have to learn how to use it. Victorian technology belonged to everyone (of a certain social class); anyone could get a chemistry set or a telescope and proceed to make discoveries or do experiments- it wasn't the realm of specialists. Today, knowledge belongs to specialists who study something extensively, and they are viewed as being the only people who can make meaningful contributions to the body of knowledge on that subject.

Incidentally, I do think that's changing, and it's one thing I just freakin' love about open source software, and other... let's call it the democratization of the sciences.

Also, I generally like alternate histories. It isn't always done well, but that's true of every genre of literature. :-)


A: You appear per your blog to have read the Declaration of Independence. What is your opinion of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and Constitution? Any particular thoughts that stand out?

R: I'm going to be elitist here and say that I think the Constitution is the crowning achievement of the Enlightenment. It's an absolutely amazing document, written by brilliant men, emerging from an untested, unstructured, collaborative process. I could go on and on about the tremendous challenges of inventing a system of government that is cogent enough to work logically, and yet flexible enough to evolve over time, to meet the needs of the people over the course of centuries. It’s so difficult to think long-term, and the founding fathers could have just been reactionary- could have just invented something that redressed their grievances with the monarchy, but instead they invented something that went far beyond that.

The dream of America (all men are created equally, life liberty pursuit of happiness, government of the people by the people for the people) is never, of course, the reality of America. The reality of America is, just like everyone everywhere, the wealthy have tremendous political advantages, and a small number of people have control over the actual living conditions of everyone else... but the dream of America is real and tangible and worth living and fighting for. It’s such a compelling dream that we keep dreaming it, that we keep on striving, generation after generation, to make it true, to make it true for all of us, and then to make it true not just for us, but for everyone all over the world. It keeps speaking to us, calling to us, forcing us to take action.

And, of course, it makes me sick that we have political leaders who don’t believe in this dream, who undermine it and sabotage it, or say that this is a dream that only citizens get to have, who don’t GET it, what we’re doing here, what the experiment actually is that the Constitution set in motion and then entrusted to us.


A: You wrote "I've spent a lot of my life trying to get to this moment, to reach these goals, to be sitting here. And the past year or so I've been asking myself what comes next, what's the next goal?" Have you come up with some new goals, plans, or ideas of accomplishments you'd like to achieve?

R: Actually, I haven't. And I'm getting busy with Drinking and Drawing and all the various camps and this potential animation festival... I get mentally stimulated by these things, and that stimulation is part of what I am looking for. I need a certain level of challenge in my life, and so I like to feel like I'm working toward something. But I'm not sure right now what that "something" is.


A: You also wrote "Instead, I keep finding that when I'm ready, I become the master." What are your thoughts when you reach this level; alone, accomplished, scared, brave, brash?

R: Now I'm embarrassed to read that post- it sounds really narcissistic. What I meant is that when I go out there somewhere and struggle along, I'm fearful and unsure of myself. I wish there was support or guidance, and there never is- I just have to stumble along alone, feeling my way as I go. And invariably, after the fact, people ask me how I did that or learned that. That's what I mean by "becoming the master"- now people look to me for guidance and support.

I guess what I first feel after I've accomplished something major is relief- I was bluffing along the whole time, and can't believe that it actually came true/worked out. I kept expecting someone to come along and stop me, and I'm always surprised when no one has. So I gather my breath for a while and take in the new view, and in that period there is a sense of being proud of myself. Then, of course, I get bored and set myself the next challenge.


A: So what are your ideas for a reorganization for a new superstruct?

R: Well, the superstruct was a device that the people running the game thought would be the thing that saves the world- collections of people with the same goals who bring their disparate experience to the table and work together. I suppose it's a legitimate theory- how else are we going to save the world? But I myself didn't start a superstruct, and barely participated in any. I wanted, like I always want, to bridge them together. I saw so many superstructs that were similar in goals or processes, and wanted them to connect and work together. I know that was part of the intent of the game, but I didn't see it happening much while I was playing.


A: I find you are one of the few people in the country who understands short selling, naked short selling, and even credit default swaps. Does it leave you ok with the idea of these moves in the market or do you believe they should be banned? If they are banned, how could they do so effectively? If they aren't banned, what would the reason be?

R: That's an interesting question. I think that if bankers remembered what their actual business was, then none of this would have happened. Bankers are supposed to make prudent, low risk investments, and protect their solvency at all costs. What happens, bizarrely enough, is that people look at a stock portfolio and think "I'm a millionaire!" rather than thinking "I own stocks that are worth a million dollars today, but might be valued differently tomorrow". Then, the next level of bizarre behavior, they don't start selling stocks to buy things, they start borrowing against the value of their stocks. I mean, they don't sell some stocks and buy a new car- they finance a new car against the value of the portfolio. Eventually they are sleeping in the car.

Do I think there's a legislative solution? Yes and no- firstly, there is a reason we have anti-monopoly laws designed to prevent a given company from dominating a market. People think that legislation is designed to protect the consumer from collusion and price fixing, and that's part of it. but the other reason (and the more important reason) is that in a free market economy, there is no such thing as a company that is "too big to fail". To have too much capital concentrated in too few companies means, literally, that if those companies fail, our economy fails. So, yes, we should much more stringently enforce anti-monopoly laws and encourage a business environment with a lot more real competition. Good lord, if people don't want to finance the auto companies by buying their products, we shouldn't have to finance them with taxpayer money. That's ridiculous. And there are a ton of tiny car companies out there, making alternative vehicles, that would gladly step in and sell cars in a competitive marketplace, and, given the opportunity, would probably be able to absorb a number of employees laid off by the Big 3.

As for banning credit default swaps, I don't think it's necessary. Bankers are learning that if they want insurance, they should buy insurance, not spread their bad debt around. They'll forget in another 50 or 70 years and need to be reminded, but... you know, it's like Enron (another company the government allowed to get too big, with a paper value that could evaporate overnight). If someone is out to find a sneaky loophole that allows them to rip off people, the rules and laws are convoluted enough that they will find a way. Making something illegal after the fact doesn't really solve anything, and just adds more complex legislation to an already insane business. Banning naked shortselling (which they did a few weeks ago) doesn't get rid of the people who want to make money unethically.

Events!

So, the date for Drinking and Drawing is set and I've just sent a message to everyone via everything. I'll spam it again next month when I have cool graphics and a press release. I have to admit I want it to be huge, so I'm open to suggestions of where to promote it.

In case you're wondering, the next steps are: design the fliers (Kalina will do that for me), write the announcement/press release (next week), borrow light tables (apparently Brian Larson will help with this), and then start recruiting volunteers to work the event itself. Next month I'll meet with the guys at the Someday Lounge and go over the details, and it will all be cool as long as a ton of people come and draw.

Ignite was really fun- a great crowd, great presentations, great all around. It was funny to see everyone going by their Twitter handles. Here's my favorite presentation:


Aaand tomorrow is cre8 camp- I'm really looking forward to it.

Comfortable with Uncertainty

A really good book, actually. I wish I had more time with it.

Everything in our lives has the power to wake us up or put us to sleep. Allowing it to awaken is up to us.

Marten is really serious about putting together an animation festival. I'm on board, but frankly intimidated by the idea. Help!

blah blah Blog

So much has happened this week, but not the kind of thing I blog about. What can I say about the election that hasn't been said already? What can I share about people I meet, people I know, possibility all around, imminent...

I'm flattered that Todd from the Legion of Tech just asked me to do a video bit for Ignite. There's not enough time to do something really cool, though. I'll see what I can wrangle up.

In preparation for an exciting week, then, let's have a poem.

Portrait of a Woman, by Wislawa Szymborska

She should be willing to please.
To change, so that nothing should change.
It's easy, impossible, hard, worth trying.
Her eyes are if need be now deep blue, now gray,
dark, playful, filled for no reason with tears.
She sleeps with him like some change acquaintance, like his one and only.
She will bear him four children, no children, one.
Naive yet giving the best advice.
Weak yet lifting the weightiest burdens.
Has no head on her shoulders but will have.
Reads Jaspers and ladies' magazines.
Doesn't know what this screw is for and will build a bridge.
Young, as usual young, as always still young.
Holds in her hands a sparrow with a broken wing,
her own money for a journey long and distant,
a meat-cleaver, poultice, and a shot of vodka.
Where is she running so, isn't she tired?
Not at all, just a bit, very much, doesn't matter.
Either she loves him or has made up her mind to.
For better, for worse, and for heaven's sake.

His Monkey Wife

This is Jonathan Collier's first book, and it's not as good as his short stories. But he does have a way with words.

For the heart is, in a sense, like the Prince of Wales; we would not have it cut in stone, yet how pathetic it is when, as at Wembley, we see it modeled in butter.

For the rest, though the reflections of the untutored chimp are scarcely worth the setting down, she was mostly struck by the appearance of abject misery which was apparent in all the passersby, especially in their sickly complexions, their peevish or anxious looks, their slave's gait, and, most of all, in their rare and rickety smiles.
Do not think, however, that she jumped at once to the conclusion, as some more superficially observant stranger might have done, that the great city is on the whole a nasty mistake, and that it would have been better, all things considered, if Highgate Hill were to turn Vesuvius, so to speak, and obliterate, to put it bluntly, all the ugly antheap at its feet. No: she had experiences of her own enough to know that happiness is like some of the lower forms of life, of which, if one of them is cut into pieces, some inconsiderable fragment or other is sure to survive. Thus she had little doubt that, among these hurrying millions, most of whom looked to her (though she knew little of homes and offices) as if they had been both crossed in love and condemned to penal servitude for life, many had compensations, which, however small they might seem to the indifferent spectator, must in logic be so great to each individual concerned that they compensated for the toil, the illness, the worry, and the emotional starvation marked clearly on his face, for they demonstrably withheld him from cutting his throat. "What a wonderful thing a stamp collection must be," thought Emily, "or the construction with one's own hands of a home radio set!"

When a young man, almost alone in London, and, possessed of a modicum of intelligence and a small deposit account, is afflicted with pain greater than he can bear, he is likely to find himself, in obedience to an inexplicable law, in the company of artists.

Animated Shorts- part Steampunk

A Gentleman's Duel:



The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello:


Watch The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello in Animation  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Twitter

So, I know I was skeptical about Twitter six weeks ago, but now I'm really excited about it.

Firstly, I had no idea that so many cool things were happening every night in this city. I follow some really interesting people, and they are always inviting everyone to these amazing events and screenings and lectures, and if you aren't there, they tweet the event and let you in on what you missed. Same for people who aren't in this city- I can find out what's happening at a design lecture, a steampunk convention, an open-source seminar, and a political rally all at the same time, all in real time.

Secondly, it is staggering how fast things happen. Twitter knows about current events faster than Google does, and the moment something happens it spreads throughout the twitterverse, and everyone knows about it. It's funny, because I'll read something on Twitter, turn around and mention it to a coworker, and a couple minutes later it will have been retweeted to them- if it's good, or funny, or important, it makes it all the way through the community in record time. The community talks about things that are of tremendous local impact or interest that don't show up in the mainstream media, or show up hours or days later. I've always liked the speed of the transfer of information on the internet, but twitter is exponentially faster.

Finally, I appreciate being able to connect with people either actually (like all the Legion of Tech folks), or passively (like I follow Hodgman or WarrenEllis). I get insights into who they are, what they think, how they live- it's very cool.

So come find me on twitter (@rvillon), if you haven't already. I'll try to keep my updates funny or important or both.

Amazing animated shorts part 3: the links

Here's some that I can't embed, so I'll link to them.

Crows!

Gobelins is an animation school in France- they've done some amazing work. Go back a couple years and check out Pyrates. The Octopus one is also really cute, and more recent.

edit: here it is:

Oktapodi
Uploaded by gamaniak

Joan Gratz, Portland Animator

Amazing Animated Shorts part 2: Brush

This one was in SIGGRAPH's Electronic Theater a couple years back. (Speaking of which, the current Electronic Theater is screening in Portland in a few weeks).

I just love the 2D-to-3D effect on the horse in this one.

Amazing animated shorts- part 1: "Little Atomic Bomb"

Speaking of things that inspire me, I'm going to post some of my favorite animated shorts. (just got back from the Animation Show of Shows, and it's got me going)

This one is Little Atomic Bomb, by Adam Long, fellow AI alumnus and friend.

My next topic: creativity blocks

After talking with some folks at the Legion of Tech the other night (I hope they pick me- I sent Dawn a massive email that may have been overkill), I've been dwelling more on the whole issue of why (it seems to me) the technology industry is so much more creative than the entertainment industry.
I have some thoughts on the subject, but it's mostly theorizing on my part. I'd like to do some research on creative blocks and creative workplaces, and maybe try to frame up a someday-in-the-distant-future Ignite talk.

If anyone has any thoughts on the subject, or maybe just have lunch or a drink to chat about it, let me know.

What's with all the reading, Rebekah?

It occurs to me that someone might wonder why I devote so much space to books when that's not, ostensibly, the subject matter of this blog. For all five of you who read it (love you! and sorry to clog your feeds with my multiple posts), I'll explain.

I think that writing is almost unique in the art forms in that it can be done in complete isolation, with no investment. An actor, an animator, a dancer, need to be hired by someone in order to practice their art (that seems like such a vulnerable position, to me). A musician, a painter, a sculptor, need place and materials in order to practice their art. A writer can use a napkin and a pen, they can write in a bar, at work, at home, they can write in the morning or the evening, they can write whenever and wherever, the only tool a writer needs in order to practice their art is discipline.

It seems to me that is why I meet more aspiring writers than any other kind of artist, and more failed writers, writers who don't write, writers who say they write and then produce a battered sketchbook they've been carrying around for years, writers who tell you the idea they had years ago and are going to "do something with someday."

Writing has also the greatest potential as an art form. Because it's made of nothing, it can be anything. It is in books and literature that we see the most extraordinary ideas, it is in great writing that we see the truly original. And every great movie, every great play, we can look through it to the great writer who conceived it and bore it into the world. It's through literature that we see the greatest, most creative, most lasting explorations of our world, our human consciousness.

I'm terribly interested in artforms that are fundamentally collaborative, in tapping the creativity of disparate individuals and wrestling forth something greater than the sum of it's parts, and yet it is in the mind of the writer, that strange, private, unknowable place, that so many amazing ideas are born and made concrete. So I read to know the writer, and I read to conceive the world.

Aspects of the Novel

(you see how fast the reading goes when I'm into the book?) This was recommended by Jelly at the cre8 conference, and I've just now gotten to it.

Neither memory or anticipation is much interested in Father Time, and all dreamers, artists and lovers are partially delivered from his tyranny; he can kill them, but he cannot secure their attention, and at the very moment of doom, when the clock collected in the tower its strength and struck, they may be looking the other way.

If we were to press [Moll Flanders] or her creator Defoe and say, "Come, be serious. Do you believe in Infinity?" they would say (in the parlance of their modern descendants), "Of course I believe in Infinity -- what do you take me for?" -- a confession of faith that slams the door on Infinity more completely than could any denial.

The plot-maker expects us to remember, we expect him to leave no loose ends. Every action or word ought to count; it ought to be economical and spare; even when complicated it should be organic and free from dead matter. It may be difficult or easy, it may and should contain mysteries, but it ought not to mislead. And over it, as it unfolds, will hover the memory of the reader (that dull glow of the mind of which intelligence is the bright advancing edge) and will constantly rearrange and reconsider, seeing new clues, new chains of cause and effect, and the final sense (if the plot has been a fine one) will not be of clues or chains, but of something aesthetically compact, something which might have been shown by the novelist straight away, only if he had shown it straight away it would never have become beautiful. We have come up against beauty here--for the first time in our inquiry: beauty at which a novelist should never aim, though he fails if he does not achieve it.

Most of us will be eclectics to this side or that according to our temperament. The human mind is not a dignified organ, and I do not see how we can exercise it sincerely except through eclecticism. And the only advice I would offer my fellow eclectics is: "Do not be proud of your inconsistency. It is a pity, it is a pity that we should be equipped like this. It is a pity that Man cannot be at the same time impressive and truthful."

Expansion. That is the idea the novelist must cling to. Not completion. Not rounding off but opening out. When the symphony is over we feel that the notes and tunes composing it have been liberated, they have found in the rhythm of the whole their individual freedom. Cannot the novel be like that? Is not their something of it in War and Peace? -- the book with which we began and in which we must end. Such an untidy book. Yet, as we read it, do not great chords begin to sound behind us, and when we have finished, does not every item--even the catalogue of strategies--lead a larger existence than was possible at the time?

He also has a long but absolutely brilliant explanation for why I've never been able to enjoy Henry James, but I won't type it up here and bore you with it.

Pasquale's Angel

I'm giving up on this book- it just doesn't seem to be able to hold my attention, and I can't bring myself to care about what happens next. However, here's one quick passage that I liked:

But this was only a temporary disturbance. All disturbances in the calm unfolding of the city's routines were temporary, no more than an incalculably minute faltering, as of a speck of grit caught and crushed in a gear-train, in its remorseless mechanisms.

The declaration of independence

I know you've read it, but read it.

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

WhereCamp

I'm looking forward to WhereCamp in the morning. The unstructured nature of the event appeals to me, and I'm looking forward to meeting some of the tweeters I follow. I'm really interested in the work of the Legion of Tech, and am considering getting more involved in that community.

I haven't blogged much this week, partly because I'm trying very hard to finish Pasquale's Angel, which... well, here's the thing. It's a library book, so I feel some sense that I have to finish it and return it, but I'm having a terrible time getting into it, so it's taking me a long time. I've been thinking a lot about the future and
community and technology lately, so this time period just isn't speaking to me right now.

I'm probably not going to articulate this very well, but here goes- I've spent a lot of my life trying to get to this moment, to reach these goals, to be sitting here. And the past year or so I've been asking myself what comes next, what's the next goal? Generally when I feel that sense I just probe my inclinations and, after a lot of introspection, come up with the next thing, with a plan I can commit to. And I've consistently chosen this inward-looking path because when I looked around, no one seemed to have a better idea. Believe me, I've wanted to badly to meet someone with a better idea. But I haven't, so I keep on just moving forward and figuring it out as I go. At the cre8 conference, I was thinking to myself about the old adage "when the student is ready, the master appears." So often I wished that were true for me- I've never met a master. Instead, I keep finding that when I'm ready, I become the master.

Now there's a tremendous urge coming to and through me to envision the future, to bend myself toward the Next Thing. And yet I have a sense that this future is something I can't envision myself, that this challenge involves creating a collaborative future, that this future is something I have to create and move toward with other people.

So I keep looking around and asking myself who those people are. Who do I want to create the future with? What community can I link with and think with? I've been asking myself who the best thinkers are, where are they, what do they do, how does one come to know them? And technology is an integral part of it- the people who are creating technology right now are also the people who are making the future, and we'll be living in it whether we want to or not. But often I feel like those people have a kind of limited perspective- that we make new gadgets because we can and they're cool, but we're not thinking about empowering and respecting the individual. We're not thinking about, for example, eliminating poverty. We jump on the change bandwagon, but it's not meaningful change, mindful change. The thinking comes afterward.

All this is a long way of saying that I'm on the change bandwagon. I feel myself changing, and new doors open and close as something turns within me. I also have the sense that it will be a good thing to be a generalist, that I'll finally have something to do with my roving probing mind that never specialized in any one thing.

I want to close with a post that I've blatantly robbed from the Something Awful forums.

I run slow

I work in the social services, and a lot of the people we work with have a lot of regrets. I've asked our case managers to have their clients come out and watch me run. I run so slow, time run backwards. As I waddle along, your life runs in reverse. Scars becomes wounds become chances to exercise better judgement. I run slow.

Like most people, I enjoy running in the mornings, before it gets to hot. Unlike most people, I've been pushed over by a squirrel.

I run slow. Sometimes when I am running, I think of those zen fountains that absorb a drip drip drip of water down a bamboo tube before finally tipping over and dumping their contents into a pool. Each step I take is another drip. I think, that fountain would call me a pussy.

I run slow. But I know where I have been.

Six months ago, I didn't run.

Six months ago, I had heartburn bad enough to keep me from sleeping through the night. Six months ago, I felt like I needed to go to sleep at 2pm. And six months ago, running felt impossible.

I run slow, and I have ways to go. But I can sleep. I feel alive. I can run two, slow, miles. Slowly.

Sometimes I get discouraged. I compare where I am to where other people are. But all that matters is where I am compared to where I was.

Once something good becomes something you are going to do for the rest of your life, the pace becomes less important. I know that my drip drip drip will amount to that deluge, eventually. Someday I will run 3 miles, slowly.

Quickie: quitting superstruct

The site has none of the functionality needed to support the game. That drives a lot of game activity off-site, to twitter and personal blogs and wikis and whatnot, but I think that's why our survival age has stayed at 02046 since day 3 of the game. Now people are actively spending their intellectual resources on trying to fix the game, rather than solving the survival problem. Good lord, what chance does the species have in 02019 if the Institute for the Future can't create a website with the functionality we've come to take for granted in 02008?
I still think it's an interesting idea, and have learned something from participating, but I'm done trying to work with the tools they've provided for us. I hope they try it again sometime.

Updates and yee dee dee

Went to esozone today. Didn't stay past the first lecture- I had enough to think about (not really about what Freeman was talking about- I kinda spun off from there). I did a lot of really good thinking today, and have more to do.

What derailed my thinking, you ask? Stopping for lunch at Virgo and Pisces. ==edited out long story of how I sat there for a really long time and no one waited on me even though I asked nicely==

I'm thinking about - ta DAA! - the FUTURE! (As if you couldn't tell by reading my blog lately). But there seems to be this increased awareness and discussion and investment in The Future lately, and I'm toying with various ideas.

Upcoming of note: Where Camp. Also, Sarah Vowell is doing a reading this week, and Todd Haynes is doing a Q&A at the Whitsell on Wednesday. Would I rather do that than watch the debates? Oh yes.

Matt says the kitten's eyes are open, but I haven't seen it for a while. I'm a little bummed about that.

I've been trying to track down an amazing essay by George Bernard Shaw on poverty, but the google isn't helping me. I was thinking a lot about it today.

In lieu of that, how about some Rilke?

The Angel

With a slight tilt of his forehead he rejects
everything that hems in and obliges;
for the wide circles of the eternal Coming
move hugely erected through his heart.

The deep heavens stand before him full of shapes,
and each may call to him: come, know me--,
Give his light hands nothing to hold
of your burdens. Otherwise they'll come at night

to you, to test you with a fiercer grip,
and go like someone angry through your house
and seize you as if they'd created you
and break you out of your mold.

Gird up your loins!

It's time for me to start putting together the next Drinking and Drawing event. I'm really interested in getting input on the last one- what did people like? what didn't work? what would we like to see/hear more of? Should it be at the same place? Music? blah blah blah.

So please chime in!

If you're one of those poor unfortunate souls who doesn't know what Drinking and Drawing is, you can find out more here.

Time!

(I once read a book that was talking about empirical reality. The writers pointed out that the basis of "cogito ergo sum" was because Descartes couldn't conceive of his own self not existing, and likewise no human can escape the perception of Time. It's hard-wired into our brains, and it is so "massively persuasive" that it lends itself to the idea of empiricism.)

My head just swims from time to time- from the Long Now and the future 10,000 years from now, to Superstruct, where it's 02019 and the race is extinct by 02044, to the seeming urgency of current political and economic news, to the book I'm reading that takes place in the Renaissance...

I've never experienced this before- normally I live about a year from Now. The Now just slides by without my paying much attention to it, and all my goals and expectations are a year out. When the year comes, I see how far I got, then set the plan for the next year and proceed to keep my eye firmly fixed on that. Every once in a while, the Now really grabs my attention for a moment, but then it's only for a moment as the crisis passes or the pleasure fades, and then there I am with my future lenses on again.

But currently my now is jumping from time to time, and each demands my measured consideration, my appropriate response. "How would I act differently if I expected my actions to impact people 10000 years from now? How will I act 10 years from now to save people 20 years from then? How will I act on November 4th?" These multiple perspectives compete with each other, drive me in different directions, make me unsure of what to do Next. It's c-ah-rrrazy!

Tweets and stuff

If anyone wants to tweet with me, I'm @rvillon. I should have created a separate twitter ID for superstruct, but I'm just mixing it up because I can multi-task like that.

I'm a little discouraged with superstruct. The site is glitchy, which makes it hard to follow up on discussions, and then suddenly today we went from 02060 all the way back down to 02044 for no reason that I could see. One of the things I've been thinking about a lot today (but can't really communicate to other players) is that I feel like art is a pretty low priority, in a Maslow's-hierarchy-of-needs kind of way. How can my work as an animation producer speak to the needs of people who are hungry, and cold, and sick? Particularly if there is a technological barrier to them even seeing the work I produce? In the face of human suffering, entertainment media seems pretty trivial.
So I've been looking instead to the 3D design/CAD engineering aspect of the work, particularly as it pertains to rapid prototyping. If we assume that that technology decreases in price and increases in functionality over the next ten years (which is a reasonable assumption, given the rate of change in technology), then we can envision a future in which designs can be transmitted to various machines globally, and devices can be "printed" locally, on demand, saving the energy consumption of moving consumer goods around the planet. So what kinds of things can be made from resins and plastics, that have a minimum of moving parts, that people really need, that can improve the human condition?

Finally, I just found out today that the Evil League of Evil is accepting applicants, but the deadline is Saturday. I would LOVE to do this, but don't have enough time. So for the record, I am the villainous Kat Nipp*, controller of cats! I've placed my minions in millions of homes. Even now they are asleep on your comfy chairs, consuming your treats, and yet ignoring everything you say, waiting for my command to leap into action, honing their skills on small prey. Soon my henchmen will be incorporated into key households, with full access to world governments and economic systems, and then the world will come to know the full evil of Kat NIPP! What I need: crazy costume (check!), video facilities (check!), and a whole lot of borrowed cats (?). Also, I'd like an effects shot of me walking down the street being followed by hundreds of cats.



*Kat Nipp character copyright Rebekah Villon, 2008.

Superstruct!

Superstruct! Come think with us! Seriously, it's pretty cool- the game has posed a bunch of problems, and so people are brainstorming various solutions and discussing the options. Ultimately the game will score individual players and the species as a whole with a survivability rating. So, you know, come save the planet and stuff.

Seriously.

Plus there are some cool awards from famous people at the end.

How did I miss this?

Just watched Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog yesterday. I remember hearing something about it, but blah blah lost in the shuffle. It's delightful! I bought it on iTunes, not only because I believe in paying for content I like, but also so that I can watch it again and again.

The Long Now blog has a great post about conversing with a person vs a machine, and how you can tell the difference. It's a funny conversation- see if you can tell which is which. Also, tell me what a dubject is.

The Superstruct game was supposed to launch today, but they tell me it will be running in the morning. The game is based on some studies done by the Institute for the Future (click around that link, you'll find them) that predict the extinction of the human race by 02042 or so, due to a lethal combination of factors (disease, food shortages, competition for energy, etc). So they have started this MMO to see if people can't solve those problems. Essentially, the game will be running various scenarios to see if the actions the players take will positively impact the survivability of the species. I'm really interested in it, although more as a spectator than as a participant. It's the opposite of the Long Now.

I've been thinking about how I intended this blog to be about connection, about responding to and interacting with a larger community, but, like so many of my undertakings, it has become mostly about my private thoughts. I don't want it to become a journal, though, so my hope is that over time the comments will become a source of interaction and response, to open up the conversation. I have to admit, for that reason, I'm more interested in promoting this blog than I would be otherwise. So welcome and hail, my two subscribers! Kisses!

Finally, let's close with another poem:

Lucille Clifton- i am not done yet

as possible as yeast
as imminent as bread
a collection of safe habits
a collection of cares
less certain than i seem
more certain than i was
a changed changer
i continue to continue
where i have been
most of my lives is
where i'm going

Hither and Yon

Don Hertzfeldt screened his new film at the Laurelhurst today, and did an extensive Q&A session afterward. Another one of those events that reminds me what I like about Portland, because it was sold out and packed- people were sitting in the aisles and standing in the back. Saw some of the usual cast of characters there- the same people tend to come out for animation events, and it's good to catch up with them.
He's so fortunate. He admits he's never had a "real job", and been free to practice his art his whole life. He knows how lucky he has been. I was also really happy to have him say that he uses film and old-fashioned cell technology, but doesn't see them as superior to computer technology. He dislikes the debate about which is better, and says he just works in the medium he knows.

I'm listening to Science Friday right now- there's a piece on how people develop superstitious behavior when they feel out of control of their lives. It's something I have thought about quite a bit with religion. I think that there are many people who are sincere adherents of their faiths, but that some people use religion as another form of propitiating the unknown, of asserting control over the unknowable. For people who feel threatened by a volcano, it is probably soothing to sacrifice a virgin, so the community can feel at ease. There doesn't have to be an empirical causal relationship in order for there to be an emotional release.

Finally, here's a great quote from Jack Kerouac:
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

Steampunk

Okay, one of the main things I wanted to blog about here is steampunk, because I was thinking about it a lot before my thinking got hijacked by the economy and the Long Now.

Hijack: It's been surreal this week because I've spent most of my evenings bouncing between learning about what's going on in the economy, listening to the SALT lectures, and then checking in with my buddy Jon Stewart. So I vacillate between a sense of urgency and drama, to a sort of "lensing out" of time, and back then again to Jon's increasing anger and impatience. It's weird, mentally stepping in and out of this millennium, particularly right now. But then, how long is Now? And how big is Here?

What I want to say about steampunk, though:

Firstly, I've always been interested in alternate history literature. From The Anubis Gates, which I read in the late 80s, to the Temeraire books I picked up last year, and my long love affair with Robert Anton Wilson-- it's an interesting thought experiment, and I love it when the authors dovetail into and out of recorded history.

Secondly, I have to admit that I love the steampunk aesthetic. Which is funny, because I also really like the Apple aesthetic, which is pretty much the diametric opposite of the lovely baroque ornamentation of steampunk. (although I really don't care for Baroque as an art movement- I liked Rococo better. Art swings through a pendulum toward and away from excess and ornamentation- either peak doesn't appeal to me. It's the "just before" and the "reaction away" parts of the pendulum that are particularly interesting and visually compelling to me)
And I think about that quite a bit- what it is it about those objects that I like so much? Steampunk harkens back to a time when everyone with the means could be a scientist, an explorer, could discover new things and tinker with new technology. The Victorian era didn't expect expertise- all the technology was wonderfully mechanical. Machines and tools could be made from other machines and tools, and everything worked on principles that could be understood by a common person with a little experimentation. One can look at a set of gears and tubes and see how they are connected, derive the purpose of the machine from it's design, solve problems with experimentation... currently it seems like all our machinery is hidden inside sleek cases that one hesitates to open, and even if you did all you'd see are circuit boards and wires and wouldn't gain any understanding of how to fix it, how to make it work differently. A car used to be a machine, and now it's a computer, and computers need to be diagnosed and repaired by experts, by specialists who have chosen to pursue one interest above all others. Our current culture discourages dabbling. I like to dabble. Just look at my resume.

Finally, there has emerged a steampunk movement. This movement draws from the literature and pays homage to the aesthetic, but isn't those things. As expressed (very well, I think) on The Steampunk Home, the steampunk movement says "Make it unique, make it your own, make it yourself". Another blog calls it "sustainable rebellion". Again, I find this value system interesting and compelling. This vast world of consumer merchandise doesn't offer what I want, so I'll make it myself. Furthermore, I don't want to buy things made in this vast consumer merchandise system- I don't want to be a consumer of goods, but a creator of the environment in which I live, a creator of my own life. At the cre8 conference, Jelly Helm asked what advertising/our economy/our culture would be like if it weren't about Things. He doesn't know the answer, and neither do I. But I think we all intuitively know that Things aren't meaningful. Steampunk is delightful because it has so many wonderful Things, but knows that Things aren't that important.

Creative Capacity meeting? dang!

I should have checked Twitter earlier- right now the mayor-elect is wrapping up a Creative Capacity meeting at PNCA. Dang- I'd love to be at that.

I've signed up for his mailing list, anyway, so hopefully I'll find out about things like this sooner.

The Gettysburg Address

I know you've read it, but read it.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Also, my genius finanical bailout plan

(I absolutely love this- since when has CSPAN had so much theater!)

I feel like as long as the government is being generous with the bad-debt forgiveness on Wall Street, they should spread the love over here. As many people as owe money to Sallie Mae and Fannie and Freddy- we should all get, say, $25k in government debt forgiveness. It would make a huge difference for those of us who are earnestly making our payments, would increase the likelihood of people actually paying off those debts, and would generate taxpayer good will toward the bailout.

late edit:
So, I've been doing some research, and I'm learning all about the economy (tangent: damn, could they possibly use more codified language to explain this stuff? It reads like deliberate obfuscation- they intend for it to be so boring and incomprehensible that nobody can really penetrate the meaning of all this stuff).
So here's a quick summary of what I understand:
Shortselling is a way for me to make money if I don't own a stock and think that stock will decrease in value. I call up a friend of mine who has that stock, and is a long-term investor, and borrow, say, 1000 shares of that stock from them. I then sell the 1000 shares, wait a week or so, buy them back at the decreased rate, and return them to my friend the long-term investor. If I sold them at $5 a share and buy them back at $4, then I've made $1000 and my friend is in the same position they would be in anyway. So, back in the day when stocks were literally pieces of paper, you used to have people running all around with wheelbarrows of borrowed stock, so that someone could shortsell it.
Naked shortselling is the same thing, but I haven't actually got the stock I've borrowed. It's as though I know my friend will lend me the stock if I ask them, but I don't actually have it in my hands. So say I sell 1000 shares of stock that I don't own and haven't actually borrowed, and then say that I wait a while for the stock to go down (it's a week later but I think it may still go lower, so I haven't bought back the borrowed stock)... there's no real penalty for this. Someone eventually calls my broker and points out that I sold stock I don't have, but no one has to actually do anything about it. It's been going on forever, to save people all that wheelbarrowing.
A credit default swap is where I make a risky loan to someone, and I didn't get any collateral from them to cover the potential loss. If I make a bunch of risky loans, my cash flow gets strapped and I have all these potential losses out there. So I find someone to assume the risk, and pay them to do so. So if I loan person X $1000, and expect them to pay me $10 a month plus interest until it's repaid, I then find person Y and ask them to pay me an agreed percentage if person X doesn't come through. I pay person Y $1 a month to assume the risk for me. If X pays me, all is well and I buy the debt back from Y, and all I've lost is a portion of the interest. If X doesn't pay me, Y pays me my percent, so I still get, say, $400 back of my original money. People use CDSs to hedge risky loans. The problem with credit default swaps is that they encourage people to make riskier and riskier loans. Eventually I'm in a position where not only can person X not repay my loan, but person Y can't be relied upon to pay me back either, and there's no collateral tied to any of these transactions, so there's no way to recover any of it from anyone. What's more, if person Y agreed to cover 40%, I may have also hedged the debt with persons Z, Q, and L, so that this bad debt is spread all around. There's about $58 trillion dollars in this market (twice the size of the stock market, up from $44 trillion a year ago), and Christopher Cox thinks that's the next impending crisis. (Hey, turns out there's no IRS rules for reporting income from these transactions, either, so probably a bunch of people have been making a fortune and not paying taxes. Lovely.)

Here's a couple paragraphs from Money.com:

While such contracts have legitimate uses, some fear that the protection they offer could lead market participants to take risks they might not otherwise. Just who is using the instruments and who is backing them aren't clear, however. Also unclear is whether the parties who sell the protection to swaps buyers have the financial strength to make good on their promises, since there are no minimum standards for capital strength or liquidity.
...
Opportunities for credit-default swaps to be abused in insider-trading or market-manipulation schemes are an issue as well. Since credit-default swaps may be used by speculators as well as those seeking protection against a credit default, regulators worry they could be a powerful tool for manipulators. The SEC announced last week that it is investigating whether brokers, hedge funds and other money managers might have used credit-default swaps to pressure stock prices lower, producing profits for short sellers.

I have to say, I'm really interested in all this. It's really captured my imagination, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

InfoWorld has a great summary of the Terry Childs case

Sorting Out Fact from Fiction in the Terry Childs Case

I find this case just fascinating.

Of course management wants to hire employees with independence and initiative, so that things can be "just taken care of." And yet to delegate means to lose control, and it's not uncommon for there to be just this sort of panic when someone realizes how little control they actually have.

What's hilarious and charming about this case is how unwarranted the panic is- the network is, and always was, stable and operational- and the unspeakable technical ignorance that every aspect of this case reveals. It's clear that his supervisors had no idea what his job actually was or what's common practice in the industry, and now the court system has no idea how to articulate, let alone prove or disprove, the crimes they are accusing him of.

Sunday night updates

The kitten is bigger and stronger now- his hands and head move in a more determined fashion, and his voice is getting more strident. Adorable!

Mortal Engines- it's an interesting world, so I wish it were a better book. Of course, it's "young adult", but I wished for more complexity and richness. All the characters think in exclamation marks! Oh no, that's a mean guy! How could he act like that! I'm upset and confused! Someone should rewrite it with a heavy dose of Gormenghast, all that ancient weight and ponderous energy...

Bobbsey Twins- actually did a quick shot today, the first one in all these months of talking about finishing this short. So that's one down, 47 to go.


Let's close the weekend with a poem, shall we?

Eavan Boland- The Women

This is the hour I love: the in-between
neither here-nor-there hour of evening.
The air is tea-colored in the garden.
The briar rose is spilled crepe de Chine.

This is the time I do my work best,
going up the stairs in two minds,
in two worlds, carrying cloth or glass,
leaving something behind, bringing
something with me I should have left behind.

The hour of change, or metamorphosis,
of shape-shifting instabilities.
My time of sixth sense and second sight
when in the words I choose, the lines I write,
they rise like visions and appear to me:

women of work, of leisure, of the night,
in stove-colored silks, in lace, in nothing,
with crewel needles, with books, with wide-open legs,

who fled the hot breath of the god pursuing,
who ran from the split hoof and the thick lips
and fell and grieved and healed into myth,

into me in the evening at my desk
testing the water with a sweet quartet,
the physical force of a dissonance--

the fission of music into syllabic heat--
and getting sick of it and standing up
and going downstairs into the last brightness

into a landscape without emphasis,
light, linear, precisely planned,
a hemisphere of tiered, aired cotton,

a hot terrain of linen from the iron,
folded in and over, stacked high,
neatened flat, stoving heat and white.

The Road

In that long ago somewhere very near this place he'd watched a falcon fall down the long blue wall of the mountain and break with the keel of its breastbone the midmost from a flight of cranes and take it to the river below all gangly and wrecked and trailing its loose and blowsy plumage in the still autumn air.

Question: why do you think there aren't any quotation marks or apostrophes in the dialogue?

Esozone

Esozone

hmm.

I have to admit that I'm curious what they think the future brings. I spend a lot of time with people who anticipate a certain kind of future for society and technology, and it would broaden my horizons to include other viewpoints. Plus a couple of my old boyfriends will probably be there.

On the other hand, magikal people make me tired. I feel like their entire perception of reality is based on minute power exchanges, and it gets pretty boring. I may just poke around their website and skip the conference.

just look at her clothes...

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland

Kitten!

A few weeks ago a friend of mine took in a stray cat, and I was watching her last week while he was out of town.
Monday night while I was hanging out with her, I realized that she was pregnant, and yesterday morning when I checked in on her, she had given birth!
One of the kittens was dead when I got there, but I spent most of the day hovering over her and the survivor- she's a remarkably social cat, didn't mind me handling the kitten at all, and needed to be coaxed a bit to hang out and nurse him. Pictures!




It's hard to tell what's happening in the last one- she's completely wrapped around him, and his little face is poking out. squeee! ^_^
These pictures are a few hours apart, and you can't really see how much rounder his belly got during the course of the day, but you can kind of see his ears unwrinkling and his face fluffing up.

Vanessa is coming!

My incredible friend Vanessa is coming to Portland in October for a butoh performance and workshop. The website isn't always current, so I'll paste from the email:

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17 (PORTLAND)
8 p.m.
PERFORMANCES by YUKO OTA and DEATH POSTURE with percussionist Matt Hannafin, & MIZU DESIERTO BUTOH THEATRE with guest musicians
The Headwaters: kinesthetic laboratory & center for international exchanges in the arts @ Disjecta:
8371 N. Interstate Ave. pdx 97217

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 18 (PORTLAND)
PORTLAND BUTOH WORKSHOP WITH
YUKO OTA
10 a.m - 6 p.m
The Headwaters: kinesthetic laboratory & center for international exchanges in the arts @ Disjecta:
8371 N. Interstate Ave. pdx 97217

Amazing post by Roger Ebert

I typed this title a bunch of times, trying "amazing post by Roger Ebert about-- credulity and irony? about the role of the audience member as participant? about modernity?" It's not that easy to summarize.

This is the dawning of the age of credulity

From Shalimar the Clown, by Salman Rushdie

This is a really interesting and often-quoted parable:

"The palace of power is a labyrinth of interconnecting rooms,” Max once said to his sleepy child. She imagined it into being, walked towards it, half-dreaming, half-awake. “It’s windowless,” Max said, “and there is no visible door. Your first task is to find out how to get in. When you’ve solved that riddle, when you come as a supplicant into the first anteroom of power, you will find in it a man with the head of a jackal, who will try to chase you out again. If you stay, he will try to gobble you up. If you can trick your way past him, you will enter a second room, guarded this time by a man with the head of a rabid dog, and in the room after that you’ll face a man with the head of a hungry bear, and so on. In the last room but one there’s a man with the head of a fox. This man will not try to keep you away from the last room, in which the man of true power sits. Rather, he will try to convince you that you are already in that room and that he himself is that man. If you succeed in seeing through the fox-man’s tricks, and if you get past him, you will find yourself in the room of power. The room of power is unimpressive and in it the man of power faces you across an empty desk. He looks small, insignificant, fearful; for now that you have penetrated his defences he must give you your heart’s desire. That’s the rule. But on the way out the fox-man, the bear-man, the dog-man and the jackal-man are no longer there. Instead, the rooms are full of halfhuman flying monsters, winged men with the heads of birds, eagle-men and vulture-men, man-gannets and hawk-men. They swoop down and rip at your treasure. Each of them claws back a little piece of it. How much of it will you manage to bring out of the house of power? You beat at them, you shield the treasure with your body. They rake at your back with gleaming blue-white claws. And when you’ve made it and are outside again, squinting painfully in the bright light and clutching your poor, torn remnant, you must persuade the skeptical crowd- the envious, impotent crowd- that you have returned with everything you wanted. If you don’t, you’ll be marked as a failure forever."