Mahabharata

I meant to close the previous post with this quote from the Mahabharata, translated by William Buck:

Then the Universe is water; water
without end or beginning; without
Earth or sky; without space or light;
without sound or movement. Then
the dark waters lie still and silent
and waiting, touching nothing.
What shape shall I take to rescue
the Earth from this flood?

Commercials rock!

I've been freelancing for the past several months as a post-production producer at Respond2 here in Portland. The first several projects I worked on were infomercials - they are 28 minutes long, and extremely time consuming. For the past week or so, I've been working on short commercials; 60 and 30 seconds, and they are really fun so far. It's a pleasant change of pace, and I'm looking forward to some of them airing.

There have been just a slew of ASIFA events - the one I'm most recently proud of is that I moderated an animation panel as part of the Northwest Filmmakers' Festival. It's the first time I've ever moderated a panel, and I think everyone had a good time. The conversation was geared much more heavily toward process than I anticipated - all the animations we were discussing were handmade and intricate, so the process gave us a lot of fodder for conversation. I especially liked that our panelists seem to click with each other, and hope that they stay in contact.

(By the way, the films in question were: Old Time Film, Meta Aberratio, and Laszlo Lassu. Fascinating work, all of them.)

Next month, ASIFA is also partially sponsoring the Rose City Animation Showcase. I've been to the previous two years, and it's a fun event.

I'm reading some Nietzsche and dabbling in learning French in my free time, and still writing for the Oregon Creative Industries blog, although not as much as I'd like - I just don't have the time to do a good job of it. I was also invited to participate in the Creative Economy Council: we have our second meeting in a couple weeks, and I'm very interested in what we can do together. It's a real pleasure to be at the table with that group of people- creative, involved, competent leaders all of them, and I feel privileged to be there.

On a larger note, what a crazy year it's been. I'm just now starting to catch my breath and wrap my head around everything that has happened. Most unexpectedly, a lot of the ambitious goals I named in my annual report have come to pass. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Leap Before You Look

Leap Before You Look

The sense of danger must not disappear:
The way is certainly both short and steep,
However gradual it looks from here;
Look if you like, but you will have to leap.

Tough-minded men get mushy in their sleep
And break the by-laws any fool can keep;
It is not the convention but the fear
That has a tendency to disappear.

The worried efforts of the busy heap,
The dirt, the imprecision, and the beer
Produce a few smart wisecracks every year;
Laugh if you can, but you will have to leap.

The clothes that are considered right to wear
Will not be either sensible or cheap,
So long as we consent to live like sheep
And never mention those who disappear.

Much can be said for social savoir-faire,
But to rejoice when no one else is there
Is even harder than it is to weep;
No one is watching, but you have to leap.

A solitude ten thousand fathoms deep
Sustains the bed on which we lie, my dear;
Although I love you, you will have to leap;
Our dream of safety has to disappear.
---W.H. Auden, 1940

Catching up

Oh, so much has happened.

I'm now the president of Asifa Portland. I'm really excited about it. Mike did a great job of reviving the chapter and putting on some great events, and getting us in the habit of having events and planning ahead. Now I'd like to look a bit further out, and think about how we strengthen the whole community, and become a real resource for animation in Portland. I've recruited Rob Bekuhrs to be the vice president and hope that over time we can build a really strong board, with a lot of strategic partnerships in the industry and with other organizations. There are a lot of possibilities.

I'm also just starting to blog for Oregon Creative Industries, a consortium of creative companies in Oregon. I'll be profiling members of our amazing creative economy and hope to grow the blog to demonstrate the depth and breadth of the great work happening here. If you know anyone who would make a good interview subject, please let me know.

I think I also need to start another blog, specifically about being a producer. It will, I think, be good for me professionally and I hope to capture some of the insights I've been having lately as I talk with artists. Go me!

Mythical Man-Month

I just finished reading The Mythical Man-Month. It's interesting, because it was written in the late 60s, and is an analysis of managing large software projects at that time. The title intends to debunk the idea that if it takes one programmer 12 months to do something, it will take two programmers 6 months, and three programmers four months, etc. The man-month, Brooks admits, is still a convenient shorthand for estimating projects, but adding more staff to a project does not mathematically expedite production, and, Brooks argues, adding staff after the schedule has begun to slip will never bring it back the original schedule. The reason, as he demonstrates thoroughly, is that adding manpower adds additional avenues of communication, takes trained people off-task in order to bring new people up to speed, and, most damaging, often calls for re-allocating tasks within the team, which means everyone (new and existing staff) has to reorient themselves. The more often this happens, the greater the amount of work time is spent on non-productive internal communication, and no meaningful advances are made on the original project.

Some of my favorite quotes are:

First, our techniques of estimating are poorly developed. More seriously, they reflect an unvoiced assumption which is quite untrue, i.e., that all will go well. (Later, he defines "going well" as "each task will take only as long as it 'ought' to take.")
Second, our estimating techniques fallaciously confuse effort with progress, hiding our assumption that men and months are interchangeable.
...
Fifth, when schedule slippage is recognized, the natural (and traditional) response is to add manpower. Like dousing a fire with gasoline, this makes matters worse, much worse.

Observe that for the programmer, as for the chef, the urgency of the patron my govern the scheduled completion of the task, but it cannot govern the actual completion.

In most projects, the first system built is barely usable. It may be too slow, too big, awkward to use, or all three. There is no alternative but to start again, smarting but smarter, and build a redesigned version in which these problems are solved. The discard and redesign may be done in one lump, or it may be done piece-by-piece. But all large-system experience shows that it will be done. Where a new system concept or new technology is used, one has to build a system to throw away, for even the best planning is not so omniscient as to get it right the first time.
The management question, therefore, is not whether to build a pilot system and throw it away. You will do that. The only question is whether to plan in advance to build a throwaway, or to promise to deliver the throwaway to customers. Seen this way, the answer is much clearer. Delivering the throwaway to customers buys time, but it does so at the cost of agony for the user, distraction for the builders while they do the redesign, and a bad reputation for the product that the best redesign will find hard to live down.
Hence, plan to throw one away; you will, anyhow.

I appreciate that so much of what he wrote about is still applicable today, for all kinds of project management, and his insights are valuable. He has some great thoughts about keeping teams productive and management style, and some recent analysis at the end revisiting (and confirming) the original premise of the book.

Improvisation

I just finished an improv class from Brainwaves, and not only was it a lot of fun, but it gave me a lot to think about. Here are some principles of improv and how I think they apply to non-performance situations:

Be fit and well. "Fit and well" means two things. Firstly, it means that you project, physically and mentally, that there is nowhere you would rather be. You are present in the moment with your full attention. This can mean taking a couple minutes to psych yourself or stretch/jog a bit to get your energy up, so that you enter the situation fully fit and well. Secondly, it means that this projected energy and presence lend credibility to your input. It's the same old thing- what is said with confidence and ability is persuasive to the listener. A person is less likely to challenge or doubt something said by a person who is fit and well.

Be in the moment. In improv, you can't try to force your preconceived agenda on the team. If you're fit and well, you listen to the input you're given with your full attention, and respond to exactly what you're given. If you try to anticipate and plan ahead, you're not in the moment, and your input is off-key from the actual situation.

Accept all offers. This is also the "yes and" that people who have taken improv classes talk about. It means that you don't negate or ignore any of the input you're given. Everything said is an "offer", and in order to be a good team member, and be in the moment, you have to consciously and deliberately attend to and accept each of them. The inverse is to not "block an offer" - someone says something and you ignore or negate it.

Given my personality, some of this is a challenge for me. I think I have "fit and well" down pretty good, but I tend to anticipate a LOT, and my mind naturally spins itself down several divergent paths, thinking of the impact and consequences of many different courses of action. Not only does this anticipatory thinking take me out of the moment, but it makes me less of a "yes AND" person, but more of a "yes BUT" person. When offered input, I often refuse it, since I feel as though not only have I already thought of that, but thought of all the pros and cons and long-term consequences and weighed the alternatives and rejected that option. This is happening so quickly in my mind that I tend to not clue people in to where my mind is going, and it comes across as negating the input of others.

I learned quite a bit from the class, and had a lot of fun as well. And I hope that I'm able to take some of those lessons into my next workplace, since I think some of these practices will have a really positive effect on my team.

2010 Annual Report completed

So, yeah, it's a little weird for a private person to make an annual report. I did think about making it all super-glossy and beautiful, but this is only the first year. Maybe I'll step it up next year.

It was an interesting exercise, and I would like to continue it. In addition to spelling out my mission, vision, and objectives, did a fairly comprehensive assessment of 2010- financial, emotional, social, and creative. I have all my credit reports and retirement account statements and tax info, as well as the results of a personal survey that I prevailed upon my social network to complete about my personal relationships. (Yes, I know the results are skewed, because those people most connected to and invested in me are the most likely to complete the survey, but it's still interesting.)

The biggest source of tension in the whole document is that I'm pretty specific about my financial plan and goals (it's easy to be specific about that kind of thing- it's so clearly quantifiable and measurable), and yet I'm also pretty sure that those goals are in many ways in conflict with my other goals. And yes, yes, I know that a person's goals in terms of personal wellbeing and professional fulfillment aren't necessarily in conflict with financial goals (isn't that the story of America? Isn't that the story we all tell each other, that we can pursue our dreams and still make money? But let's get real, in many ways that story comes true for only a small number of people). And it's the position that I've been in so many times before- if I really wanted to make money, or, in another sense, if I want my 2011 report to reflect meaningful progress toward the goals laid out in this document, then I have to be willing to make real sacrifices in the service of that goal that I am, quite honestly, not prepared to make.

And that tension causes a schism in the report itself- that I can put those goals out there, but then immediately acknowledge that I won't be putting a lot of energy into pursuing them. It's something to think about for next year- maybe I do the financial assessment, but don't attach any goals to it? And yet that doesn't work either- financial goals are, in many ways, life goals. If I'm going to take good care of myself, for my whole life, money forms a significant part of that caretaking... it's difficult.

At any rate, I'd like to share my goals. Maybe you can let me know how I'm doing as the year goes on:

Rebekah is the agent of positive change
Rebekah creates beauty in her work and her life
Rebekah has amazing experiences with fascinating people
Rebekah helps others to achieve their goals
Rebekah lives a life worth talking about

And from that you can probably infer a whole lot about the rest of the report.

what a week!

So, my first week of unemployment draws to a close, and it's been incredibly fun. I've had a lot of lunches and happy hours and coffees with my amazing smart friends, who have ideas and resources and inspiration every minute. I feel so grateful for all of these people who are willing to invest in me.
I've got my first freelance gig, a really interesting woman who is struggling with getting organized and staying on top of her projects- I'm going to try to work with her to give her some tools to help her manage everything and feel more in control of her time. It's a bit of a stretch for me- I've never done anything quite like it, but I'm excited to learn and to teach and see how it goes.
I started an improv comedy class, which really comes at a perfect time- freeing yourself from the consequences; being in the moment as it is, rather than how you wish it is; being willing to fail... I meant to take it last December, but I think it's actually better that I'm doing it now.
I also had another great meeting with the guys out at Super Genius. I think I'll be spending some time out there next week, learning more about their business and their processes. They are incredibly nice people, and, again, every conversation I've had this week leaves me intrigued and inspired.
And we've been making huge progress on the next BeTween PDX. I think it's going to come together nicely and will be really valuable for attendees.

And, if you're wondering, yes, I'm worried about money. And I'm getting more worried, not less. But that's something I'm trying to just let go of for now. The time will come for me to freak out, but it's not here yet. I'm going to keep having fun.

My reel!

Well, it took all day, but here's my reel from ADi!

It looks like it could also double as Kalina's reel, since her designs are prominently featured, but I just love her work.

Stuck on a name

If you're a friend on Facebook, you might have noticed that I'm trying to name this undertaking/enterprise. There are words that I really like and find evocative, but I'm actually starting to think that it might be a mistake to look for a permanent name. I might name/theme each year, with the symbols and language that are powerful to me at the time. After all, I don't need to register a domain or anything, like I did here, with afflated, which was really what I was feeling at the time. For now, though, perhaps the business is Me, it's Rebekah Villon. Fitting, since I named my own self.

The business of Rebekah

I've got to be honest, I'm getting interested in the prospect of being a freelancer. I like the idea of having a business, of being a business. It elevates the discourse beyond the idea of "getting a job", and puts me in a position to think about my mission, my vision, my one-year and five-year and ten year plans, of actually trying to design my work and my life. I have always allowed work to dominate my life, and, by extension, allowed my employer to dominate my life. I'd like to take back some of that control.
I think I'm going to begin crafting a business plan, and then try to implement it even if I eventually get a full-time staff position somewhere. Let's see how it goes.

Some of my old drawings

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

What a year 2011 has been so far.

The big news, which I may as well announce here, is that, after 3.5 years, I'm leaving ADi. March 17th will be my last day. I think I'll freelance for a while until I figure out my next step, and am really excited about some of the opportunities and conversations I've had in the past week. I mean, yes, nervous about money and stability and all that, but I honestly think that it will work itself out.

In other news, we're planning the next BeTween and want it to be bigger and better than last year.

Sven has started a NW Animation Festival, which is now accepting entries over at http://www.nwanimationfest.com/. As many of you know, I've been agitating for something like this for a long time, so I'm really glad he's doing it, and will probably volunteer in some capacity or another.

The ASIFA chapter has got some great ideas and events in the works. I think that my initiatives about reaching out by open board meetings and increased social media presence are starting to pay off, and I hope that they continue to do so. We need more board members in order to reach our potential and serve our members, but we've got a new treasurer, new website, new bank account, and finally have the ability for people to join and renew online. Everything is coming together a piece at a time, and the future looks really good.

And the ASIFA chapter is supporting a network that we've dubbed OSNAP. It's a group of independent animators who want to support each other and contribute to each other's projects. A lot of the organization is happening on facebook and email so far, so I'd watch the asifa website for more info.

I'd like to blog more about networking and job searching, since I have SO much experience in this area. And who knows, I might have a lot of time for that kind of thing now. ;-)